My first & fail at couchsurfing

4.5981° N, 74.0758° W

Our first couch surf we did, we got super excited ! We had again left it until last minute, but the dude we found looked good and he offered us the weekend there so we said sure. He also mentioned he had 2 dogs and a cat so hoped we didn't mind animals, but we're fine with them so we headed over.

When we arrived the dogs barked until the door was open. A strong smell of animals filled his flat, but the dogs were soo fluffy and he had a fat cat who just chilled. After speaking to him we found out that he took homeless animals in, made them healthy and then put them up for adoption, which is why I excused the smell. We headed upstairs and he showed us our bed.
Oh, Wow!
It was a hair covered mattress fenced off by a wooden panel, so it was effectively a giant dog bed. Standing up next to it was a mattress that was covered in cat pee. It was still wet and it fucking stunk ! He told us he was in the process of throwing it out. Lovely. But it's ok, it was a place to stay and we couldn't back out of our first couchsurf straight away, it couldn't be that bad! That night we headed out for food and some drinks, we met up with some of his friends and actually had a really good evening.
Getting back to the house, we climbed in in to our pen to spend the night. Apart from it being a little chilly and a few hairs it wasn't that bad. No that's a lie. It was disgusting... Like, vile! So, before we actually got in this giant dog bed, we were kindly offered the piss mattress to sleep on. 
Why, thank you oh so much for this wonderful offering of a mattress, that is so covered by cat and dog piss, your own animal loving ass won't sit down on it.
No! I do not want to lie anywhere near that fucking thing ! 
But I did. I slept right next to it the whole night and at 4am, that fat cat I thought was pretty cute, well he decided to push the mattress on top of us. Wonderful. Fucking wonderful.
The next morning things got even worse. We woke up at 6am both freezing and needing the toilet. We'd been told that the emergency toilet was downstairs as the other one was in his bedroom. As I walked down the stairs, the stench of animal shit filled the whole pace. I was having to dodge parts of the floor because of how much crap there was. I walked in to the toilet and the whole thing was covered in animal crap! I can't even talk about it because it makes me gag that much. We really wanted to leave ASAP but the quickest way was by a flight we found for the following day, which our host kindly paid for on his Colombian card for a cash exchange, meaning we had well and truley awkward zoned ourself. 

Once we were awake, all those bloody dogs did was bark at us from the other side of the wooden panel. So we got up pretty sharpish and headed to a shopping centre to clean up. But we still had one more night to brave there. We stayed out for the whole day and walked around the city centre. Jord even managed to get me to watch the champions league final and then we got some food before going back. 

We walked in and belive it or not, it was even worse. The guy hadn't gotten out of bed all day so the then dodgeable shit, was no longer dodgeable. And there was now a varnish of piss, accompanied by scattered kitty litter and topped with a coating of hair to make sure it really stuck to your feet. We walked upstairs and he's in bed with his 2 dogs, 3 cats and some bird (scuse the pun) he'd called over for a booty call. I don't no how she even stepped foot in his room let alone his bed. We started explaining what we had done during the day but the bloody dogs started barking again so we gave up. They finally shut up when we got back in our section.    

Not wanting to go near the downstairs toilet again, I made sure that I used the clean toilet before he went to bed. Pha! Clean my ass. I couldn't believe it. There was 2 giant dog shits in his shower. His fucking shower !!! We shook as much hair off as we could and covered the sheets in other stuff and prepared for another nights sleep. It wasn't so bad as we were up early but then came my morning wee. I couldn't do it. No matter how much bad I needed the loo, I couldn't face the downstairs toilet ... So...

I did it!, I peed in his kitchen sink!

I'm sorry, but you just can't do that to someone, it's just not ok. I mean, it's not going to make much of a difference when it comes to the amount shit floating around his house, so fuck it. Infact, it actually gave me satisfaction, I went up the stairs giggling away to myself. we  quickly finished packing and got the fuck out of there in a taxi bound for the airport.

In our dog pen with the Black cat and Jord playing with the fat cat
In our dog pen with the Black cat and Jord playing with the fat cat

Like what you read? Pin it!

The worst couchsurf ever